(after John Donne’s “Good Friday, 1613: Riding Westward”)
for Katie Adkison, UCSB English graduate student
Let Man’s Life be a Beach, and then you die;
Hence carryed Southward for Spring Break we fly.
For in this, our senior year of college,
Our future businesse we don’t acknowledge,
But prep Body and Soule to hit the sand
In shades and bikinis: we’ll get so tanned.
There me and my besties will fling away
Our First World basic problems, and we’ll lay
Emparadised, whilst we’ll drink in the morn,
(Though drunk, sublunary frat boys we’ll scorn).
After the Sun over the ocean sets—
That Busie Old Foole, whirling sans regrets—
Like him we’ll dive below—and hit the clubs;
Maybe to smooch cute guys in their hot tubs!
Though homework, as we fly, be left behind
It hasn’t escaped yet from my moving mind.
For be this course on old Renaissance Lit
Where study we Metaphysical Wit:
We beheld the portrait of this shrewd dude
In class whose love lyrics were kinda lewd,
Though sacred too (isn’t that, um, “paradox”?);
He “Love’s martyr” was, but that Faith he mocks.
Our madcap prof described him as a rake,
Which means his youth was, like, #TotalSpringBreak!
Yet lines on urns or a chick who’s his bait
Are blinged out, ragg’d, or crackt with “too much weight.”
So durst I try something that’ll earn a C,
‘Bout this gent’s comparing Love to a flea?!
—To turne my back here can’t be said a Sin
Like losing your maidenhead to’Erroll Flynn;
Not whilst en route to the Antipodes,
To hang out, chillax, enjoy the warm seas.
Yet his profane lover’s Image won’t fade
Away like th’unsober Snapchats we made
At our favourite bar, the night before,
Once midterms ended—we pwned the dance floor!
O naiads, hear this tuned Valediction
Composed in flight with such high E-motion:
As we party, sprayed with suntan lotions,
May our “trips” be Ecstatic à la Donne’s;
And bless our joys under the winking Sunne,
And let Spring Break be devoted to Fun.
Notes
- “carryed.” See D., “Good Friday,” 9.
- “in this.” See D., “Good Friday, 1.
- “businesse.” See D., “Good Friday,” 7.
- “fling away.” See D., “A Jet Ring Sent”: “I’m cheap and nought but fashion; fling me
away” (line 8). - “Emparadised.” See D., “A Valediction of My Name in the Window”: “all my souls be
/ Emparadis’d in you” (25-26); cf. Milton’s description of Adam and Eve in
Paradise Lost: “Imparadist in one another’s arms” (IV.506). - “sublunary.” See D., “A Valediction Forbidding Mourning”: “Dull sublunary lovers’
love” (line 13). - “busy old fool.” See D., “The Sun Rising”: “Busy old fool, unruly Sun” (line 1).
There’s also “Lucky Old Sun,” part of the Great American Songbook. - “the portrait.” See the painting of Donne at the National Portrait Gallery, London.
- “Love’s martyr.” See D., “The Funeral,” line 19.
- “urns”: see D., “The Canonization”: “a well wrought urn,” line 33; “bait”: see “The
Bait,” passim. - “durst”: see D., “Good Friday,” line 29 (twice), echoed in “durt of dust,” line 27.
28.” “a flea”: see D., “The Flea,” passim. - “could not be said a Sin.” Cf. “The Flea”: “Thou know’st this cannot be said / A sin,
or shame, or loss of maidenhead” (lines 5-6). - “Erroll Flynn”: Australian-American actor (1909-59), known for swashbuckler roles,
including Robin Hood and The Private Lives of Elizabeth and Essex, and also for
his serial womanizing, hence the expression “in like Flynn.” - “Lover’s Image.” Cf. D., “Elegy on His Picture.” Also, Shakespeare, Sonnet 18: “thy
eternal summer shall not fade” (line 9). Life = Art: Donne scholar Joan Faust,
professor of English at Southeastern Louisiana University, has a case for her
smartphone with the portrait of Donne from the NPG on it! - “Valediction”: D. wrote four valedictions.
- “Ecstatic.” Cf. D., “The Ecstasy.”
- “Winking Sun.” See D., “Good Friday,” 20. Cf. D., “The Sun Rising,” lines 11-13,
where the speaker threatens to “eclipse and cloud” the sun’s beam “with a wink.”
Possibly there’s a pun on the author of this parody’s last name as well. - “devoted.” See “Good Friday” line 2, and D., Devotions upon Emergent Occasions.